Kid jokes

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

Little Johnny asked the teacher why you were no shirt. Teacher says, "Because I want to." The teacher drops her pencil and picks it up. The class starts laughing.

"What's so funny?" A kid took off your bra, and we see your squish sexy boobs.

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.

What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?

They will never grow up.

You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

A guy in a white helmet telling kids to kill themselves.

Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football?

Because he got all the downs.

Stranger: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Stranger: Sugma.

Person: Sugma who?

Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!

An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.

What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.

But if you're vegan, you call him food.

If you're poor, you eat the skin.

When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.

Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.