Kid jokes

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why can't orphans see their parents?

Because they don't have one!

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"

Because he had to take one.

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?

Son goat: No, what?

Dad goat: Goat meat.

Son goat: *Gasps*

Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Dad, why are we here?

Because you're not loved.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.

Orphans: YAY!

5 minutes later...

Orphans: Wait... where's the...

Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*

Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.