Kid

Kid Jokes

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

This isn’t a joke. Quiet kid jokes are so cliché. Like since when was there an original quiet kid joke like smh. Doesn’t help because I’m a quiet kid and people act as if I’m so dangerous and it’s like the only thing they say to me. Being judged as some big bad monster for being AN INTROVERT!! These jokes used to be funny to me, but now I’m just sick of them...

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

What is the difference between the snow ❄️ and sun 🌞? Snow is slippery, and the other kind 🧒 of weather is not slippery.

We're gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

They’re draining the economy doooown!

They’ve spent our budget on weed

and lube to spill Jack’s seed.

They’ve ruined our wonderful town!

We're gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

They have no moralityyyy.

They’re spreading degeneracy.

We ain't what we used to be.

We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,

but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.

They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.

Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.

We’re gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill!

They’ve banked off buying boooze!

They’ll drink and sell the price

at the original times thrice.

Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.

We’re gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

Their kids’re in the business tooo!

They’re draining all our banks.

Give 'em well deserved spanks.

We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.

Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.

What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!

A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.

It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!

WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!