Kid jokes
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
Remember kids, ejaculate, then evacuate.
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?
Hopscotch.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.