Joke jokes
What do you call a Chinese millionaire?
Cha ching.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Memes
DAD JOKE
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."