Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
Joke Jokes
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Best political joke... Joe Biden.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
