Joke jokes
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
If you're depressed and you're crying, like this joke.
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?
There’s 20 of them.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!