Joke jokes
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."