Joke jokes
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?
A. A butt load.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"
"Because I was Russian!"
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.