Joke jokes

September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun that fell down the stairs.

What's black, white, and laughing?

The nun that pushed her.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"