Joke jokes

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

The snowballs.

What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."

This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?

Want to hear a joke about prostitution?

Never mind, it's whoreable :)

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?

Matt.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?

A: Adlof-in.