Joke jokes

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

The snowballs.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Want to hear a joke about prostitution?

Never mind, it's whoreable :)

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?

Matt.

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?

A: Adlof-in.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.