Joke jokes

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

What do you call a depressed group of kids?

Suicide squad.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

Want to hear a joke about prostitution?

Never mind, it's whoreable :)

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."