Joke jokes
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
perfect stats
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?
They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂
I know I'm valuable.
I come with a barcode.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.