Joke jokes

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.

Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.

Who will be told? Oh wait.

What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?

She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

What do you call a depressed group of kids?

Suicide squad.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.