Joke jokes

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.

Who will be told? Oh wait.

What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.

What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?

She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?

A: Adlof-in.

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.