Joke jokes

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

The snowballs.

Want to hear a joke about prostitution?

Never mind, it's whoreable :)

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?

Matt.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

What do you call a retard in a house fire?

Flame Retardant.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

it's not rape if we're both screaming

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My life.

My life who?

My life is depressing...