Joke jokes

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?

An avalanche.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

What do you call a sneaky child molester?

Incogpedo.

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.