Joke jokes

Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across the lake.

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?

A Twix.

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!

Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

What do you call a sneaky child molester?

Incogpedo.

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!

Q: What comes before 47?

A: AK

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.