Joke jokes

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?

One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

These jokes are weak like the structure of the towers.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise egg.

What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?

The feather.

The rope stopped the kid.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.

What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across the lake.

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?

A Twix.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!

Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.