Joke jokes
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"
Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...
But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.