Joke jokes
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.
Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.
Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a very bad joke!
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"