Joke jokes
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His shoulder.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
My cock, lmao.
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.
"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.