Joke jokes
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.