Joke jokes
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
What is brown and extremely sticky?
A stick.
Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke
/playsound pained_laugh
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.