First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
What did an orange say the day before going to work?
"Back to the rind!"
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
Unemployed.
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
