Job jokes

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

Do you know how to make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

What state do miners hate?

Oregon.

Looks like URL encoding is enabled for special characters inside comments. Good job to whoever developed this website!

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

What is a Care Bear's favorite job?

Take care of bears.

A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

What job lets you kill the most people?

An abortion doctor.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."