Job jokes

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?

Because he wanted to make some rap deposits!

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.