Job jokes

Am I a guard or a guava?

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

What's an orphan's dream job?

A builder, to build themselves a home.

Asian Grading scale: A- Average.

B- Half Average.

C- Stupid idiot!

D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!

F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.

I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Why did the man decide to work at a pizza place? Because he kneaded the dough!

What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.