Job jokes

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

Are you fin-ished with your work?

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

Do you know how to make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

What state do miners hate?

Oregon.

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A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.