Job jokes
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"
Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.
Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
Why did the police play baseball?
Why?
He wanted to play catch.
How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.