it's jokes
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone 14 for his birthday? Because it has no home button.
Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."
"Oh no, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Oh, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."
Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.
Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Why are priests called father? Because it's not appropriate to call them daddy. Also because it is embarrassing.
When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?
Do you want to hear a cold joke?
Can't. It warmed up.
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.