it's jokes
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Your hairline is so back down, it is in your neck.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?
To get its wheelchair!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they never make it home.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.
Wanna hear a paper joke? Nvm, it's terrible.
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"