Irony jokes
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.
Father: Guns cause all these problems!
Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*
Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.