Irony jokes

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.

Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

Ironic that this page is dead.

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.