Irony jokes

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.

Article 4: the Titanic sank.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.

My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.

What's the depressed person's favorite song?

Van Halen - Jump