Irony jokes

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

Your joke: you.

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.