Irony jokes

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

My girlfriend's last words:

"I can’t wait to become a mom!"

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.