Irony jokes

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

Hey, wanna hear a joke?

Yeah, me too.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

I don't know why we have to make jokes about this, it's already a joke.

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.