Irony Jokes

The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

The type of society we live in

A picture of a child with a bowl cut wearing a green sweater with a teddy bear attached. The text says, "Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

My girlfriend's last words:

"I can’t wait to become a mom!"

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.