Intimacy jokes
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.
"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.
Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."