Intimacy jokes

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

Random couple after their first night:

Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?

Wife: ☠️

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

Kylin likes to eat Violet's ass.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.