Intimacy jokes
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!