INS jokes
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
French fries weren't originally cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?
2) Where did all the orphans go?
PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.