INS jokes
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.
What’s the hardest bit about having anal sex?
Repeatedly getting a cock shoved in your arse🤣
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
I go balls deep in your mum with no power.