INS jokes
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What do Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib all have in common?
All four of them are garbage.
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
I can see my future in your forehead.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.