INS jokes
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
It's even better when they get charged by a 19 yo with a funny boom boom stick
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”
My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
Hi 👋 I love 💕 you walk in and out oon.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.
So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?
The Western Front is domestic violence.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What did one cheek say to the other cheek?
"It is a squash in here!"