INS jokes
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.