INS jokes
Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.
Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.
"Demon Slayer" is yay, and who's your favorite in "Demon Slayer"?