INS jokes
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?
Hot Wheels.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.