INS jokes

I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.

What is the order of finish?

1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.

2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.

3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.

When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:

Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

CURRY in a hurry.

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Why does the nurse need a red pen?

In case she has to draw blood.

what do you call a baby in an oven?

my next meal.

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

Bull In Book Lacking Evidence