INS jokes
How to get 60 Translink workers? Please head out of the pool because ya'll are fat. Oh wait, didn't you poop yourself? Say sorry to your underwear while pooping as a fat Canadian Translink worker, little boy.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
The Bingles
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Yo mama so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 1800s?
Master.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 2000s?
Coach.
What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.
What do you call a terrorist attack in Iraq? A selfie!
You're really special.
But the R in special is silent.