INS jokes

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?

He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.

I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.

Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?

A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!

I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"

What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

What's worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.