INS jokes
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Why have I not seen these posters in my neighbourhood?
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."