INS jokes

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?

You feel the rush, but don't look down.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.

Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.

Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?

Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.

Fatty and Skinny sitting in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.

Have you ever stepped foot in Stephen Hawking's house? 'Cause he hasn't either.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.

What happens when the Freedom Towers got hit? They step in Ground Zero.

You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.