Injury Jokes

What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?

A: She kept stepping on a rake.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

I'm stumped.

Why did the child drop their ice cream?

They got hit by a bus.

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?

A baby stapled to ten trees.