Injury jokes
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.