Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
