Injury jokes

Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?

A: Ow!

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

How do you name a disabled Asian?

Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?

"(Me)owwww!"

I'll break your bones, b*tch.

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?

They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!