Injury jokes
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
I'm stumped.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Youch
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.