Injury jokes
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.