Injury jokes
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?
Ben after he trips over the giant curb!
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
I went to a seafood shop.
I pulled a muscle.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.