Injury jokes
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
What's brown and hurts your teeth? A chocolate? No. A baseball bat in my hands.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.