Injury jokes
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door? Ouch.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"