They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
