Incarceration jokes
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
In 2016, Americans took "Orange is the New Black" to a whole other level.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation? A period. Why? Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.