Im jokes
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?
Me: I'm just BONELY.
Sans: Good one kiddo.
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
Roblox Talent Shows be like:
Host: Next Up is Bob!
Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-
*Buzzing Noises*
Judges: You suck!
Bob: I'm reporting!
*Bob get's kicked from the server*
I have a really good construction joke.
But I'm still working on it.
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.
Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
I'm as straight as a rainbow.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.