Im

Im jokes

Sister

  • Hi guys, jokes for sister.

    So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

    Magic Trick

  • I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

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  • Face

  • "That's not my age; it's just not true.

    My heart is young; the time just flew.

    I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

    Wig

  • Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

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  • Anxiety

  • Friend: How's it going?

    Me: Good, things are good!

    Parent: How are you?

    Me: Oh, I'm fine!

    Twitter: Compose new tweet?

    Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

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  • Gummy bear

  • A B C D E F G.

    Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!

    Whore

  • I'm Alya. I'm a dumb whore who ruins people's fun on this sight made for jokes with categories for orphan jokes, but I like ruining people's fun.

    Aaron

  • We're no strangers to Aaron. You know the rules and so do I (do I). A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.

    We've known each other for so long. Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (say it). Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on). We know the game and we're Aaron play it. And if you ask me how I'm feeling. Don't tell me you're too blind to see. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.

    Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.

    We've known each other for so long. Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (to say it). Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on). We know the game and we're Aaron play it. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.

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  • Man

  • After every line, say “I’m a man.”

    I went to the club. (I’m a man)

    I met a girl. (I’m a man)

    I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)

    We got some drinks. (I’m a man)

    I took her home. (I’m a man)

    We got in bed. (I’m a man)

    She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)

    Chick

  • So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

    And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

    This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

    "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

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  • War

  • In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

    Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

    "Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

    His father pointed at a map of North America.

    "Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

    The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

    "And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

    The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

    "Where is Germany again, Father?"

    He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

    Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

    "Yes?"

    "Has Hitler seen this map?"

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  • Grandma

  • Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

    Rope

  • I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

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