Im jokes

I'm a poor Indian, please help me.

Mom, am I adopted?

What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.

Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?

'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.

I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

Comment if I'm ugly.

"I'm an orphan."

"I didn't ask."

I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.

Mickey: I want a divorce!

Minney: Are you fricking crazy?

Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!

*having sex on lexapro*

Her: Cum for me, baby!

Me: I'm trying!

I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

I'm a joke supremacist.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.