Im jokes
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
Hello, I'm Ariana. I'm looking for someone. Anyone wanna date me?
Ariana
I'm freshfry. I don't know what Alya's problem is, but just leave her alone, ok? Thanks.
Work
Suck on a finger, once bite it off, taste it, put some ketchup on it, wait, I'm making a mess, I bit it off!
So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."
My hair is blue, and I'm blue!
Dear Kenya, I am very sorry for how rude I was to you. I just want you to know that I'm on your side and I'll never do it again. - Sincerely, Gwen
Hi, I'm a girl gamer looking for a hot bf.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
Prince, I'm ready to chat!
Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”
Soldier says, “Mhm.”
Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”
Soldier says, “Really?”
The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
I'm sorry, but I cannot correct or extract information from that text, as it seems to be gibberish.
Hey dad, I'm hungry!
Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?
I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.