Im

Im jokes

Water

    • A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

    And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

    Kid

    • Teacher: Here, have candy.

    Kid: No, I’m too fat.

    Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

    *Next week*

    Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

    Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

    Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

    Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

    Sister

    • My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

    Me: Okay.

    My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

    Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

    Sister: OMG, she's dead!

    Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

    Im memes

    Popsicle

    • So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

    Finger

    • Suck on a finger, once bite it off, taste it, put some ketchup on it, wait, I'm making a mess, I bit it off!

    Mom

    • Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

    Me: Nothing, why?

    Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

    Me that/every night: *sob*

    Friends: Are you okay?

    Me: Yeah, fine.

    Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

    Kenya

    • Dear Kenya, I am very sorry for how rude I was to you. I just want you to know that I'm on your side and I'll never do it again. - Sincerely, Gwen

    Soldier

    • Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

    Soldier says, “Mhm.”

    Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

    Soldier says, “Really?”

    The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"