Im jokes
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."
Sister, you're ugly.
Other sister: I'm not your reflection.
PS. Sorry if it is not funny.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"
I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?
I'm ta ping it, some ting won.
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
Impossible? I’m very possible, really!
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.