Im

Im jokes

Punch

    • I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

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    • Bear

    • The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."

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    • Im memes

    Day

    • Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

    Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

    Falco: Wat...

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    • Car

    • I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

    A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

    I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

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    • Country

    • My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.

    Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.

    Egg

    • What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

    They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

    Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.

    Therapy

    • I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!