Kid: Are you gay? Me: No im straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
Me: trys to scan self at walmart* i cant scan myself, wanna know why? Alfred: Why? Me: because im worthless... =)
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"
Poor Stephen Hawking couldnt pass the ̈im not a robot ̈ test
Guys my sisters pregnant!
Im finally a dad!
“what’s that on your wrist?” “im a cutting board. duh”
*Im an orphan. lol
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"
You know when you sign up for something and it says *im not a robot* guess he never had the chance to tick that
1 like =1 kid in my oven. Im trying to get followers and comments please
Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit
im jelus of ur heart cause its pumping in u and im not
FIRST DATE
man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
i love murder shows... wish me luck cause im kinda hoping to be on one one day
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
Wife: Hi honey im pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant im dad.
Wife: No your not....
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
i only cut to find out if im real or cake
Im not fat!!
Im a Nutritional Overachiever
