You know when you sign up for something and it says *im not a robot* guess he never had the chance to tick that
Guys my sisters pregnant!
Im finally a dad!
*Im an orphan. lol
1 like =1 kid in my oven. Im trying to get followers and comments please
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"
im jelus of ur heart cause its pumping in u and im not
Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit
âwhatâs that on your wrist?â âim a cutting board. duhâ
FIRST DATE
man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
i love murder shows... wish me luck cause im kinda hoping to be on one one day
Wife: Hi honey im pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant im dad.
Wife: No your not....
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldnât stop singing âim a believerâ but then i saw her face
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: Im not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I dont have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid
Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help!
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel commited suicide five years ago today......
Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!
i dont struggle with depression, im used to it
so the teacher go up to you and says im going to call your parents me: good luck finding them
Im not fat!!
Im a Nutritional Overachiever
So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and itâs like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.
