if im ugly at least im not you
“Daddy, what are those 2 things on mum’s chest?”. Asked Tom “Those are just....balloons”.said dad (Later) “Dad! I think mum’s dying!”said Tom. “Why?” Asked dad. “Because uncles blowing her balloons and she said “oh god im cumming!”
mom said dad had the best pullout game... now im an uncle
did u know im a really fast reader? i can go through a few stories n just a few seconds!
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? "im still standing, yeah yeah yeah" (from elton john)
i once called a depressed guy why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone (im not englishs so i could've talked bad)
Im the second worst thing to happen to those orphans
A little girl was sitting with some other kids, she thought to herself, I want to have kids when Im older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!🤣🤣
What does an apple and suicidal person have im common?
There both hamging from a tree.
my sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks im irresponsible so i throw it out the window
if someone calls you dirty minded just say
You are dirty minded as well if you understand what im saying
My boss said she would’ve loved to meet bill Cosby as a child. I don’t get why im getting arrested, I was just making sure he dream came true
I have so many orphan jokes im afraid most of them wont hit home.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"
Yeah, im made out of DNA ✨ Depression N anxiety ✨
a man was walking with a young boy in the woods. the boy looks at the man and says "mister, its too dark and im getting scared." the man replies with, "how do u think i feel? i have to come back alone."
Q.if i go 1 on 1 with Harvey weinstein i wont get raped A. im not a 14 yr old girl
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Well if someone ever calls u gay 🌈🏳️🌈 just say well atleast im straiter then the pole your mommy dances on 🤣🖕
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each were granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said "i wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "im lonely i wish my friends were back here."
