Im jokes

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"

"Brandon, tell the teacher that I'm with Ms. Polack."

I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."

JK.

Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.

The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

Hey, Hunger Games... I'm full!!

This ain't your mama's monologue.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

It’s impossible to put down.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, I'm not.

I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Bone."

"Bone who?"

"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."

How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?

"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."

I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.

It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!

Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.

Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/

Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!